


Hazbin Hotel Pilot: Gender Reverse

by KathyPrior42



Series: Rule 63 [1]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Rule 63
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:55:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26259022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KathyPrior42/pseuds/KathyPrior42
Summary: Relive the experience of watching the Hazbin Hotel pilot episode...now with gender reversed characters!
Series: Rule 63 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1914955
Comments: 5
Kudos: 8





	Hazbin Hotel Pilot: Gender Reverse

Charles Magne was the unique prince of Hell. Both of his parents encouraged him to be stern, confident and to never show mercy to any demons. The royal Magne family was one that commanded respect…a force to be reckoned with. Their symbol was the apple, reflecting on the original legend of Adam and Eve. Although many demons in Hell would’ve loved to take over the kingdom, the king and queen made sure that everyone stayed in line. 

There was King Lilium, a tall imposing figure with short blonde hair and long red curved horns sticking out from his head. He was often seen wearing a thick black pointed crown on his head along with a wide array of fashionable suits. His face was white and pale, his eyes golden yellow. He was formerly a human man, the first one, who was Adama’s husband. Adama then fell in love with the more submissive man Evan, and Lilium was banished. He became an incubus and then a powerful demon. Lilium was a model and performer, always busy singing on stage or recruiting members for his army via his shows. The army was a secret revolution against Heaven and the deadly Exterminators, who slaughtered demons every year in Hell. 

Queen Lucinda was Charlie’s mother, and a very powerful individual. She and her husband were the embodiments of power and perfection, not just by their good looks but from their presence alone. Lucinda often wore elegant old fashioned white dresses, decorated with red stripes and little apple designs. She carried a cane with a red apple on it. A white round hat covered her long locks of blonde hair. Her face was pale white with red blushes on her cheeks. Lucinda had a knack for being goofy and being the life of any party she attended. She would drink alcohol, eat carnival food and play polka music. 

Centuries ago, Lucinda was formerly the light-bearing angel until she was banished by the genderless God of Heaven. Michelle was her sister and became God’s right hand woman. Lucinda showed contempt for God’s creation of humankind but everyone else obviously agreed with God. Lucinda fell from grace and eventually became the queen of Hell. In fact, she and her ensemble of fallen angels were the ones who crafted Hell into a sort of paradise for sinners to do whatever they wished. Murder, porn, thievery, singing, nothing was off-limits. But the cost of sinner’s freedom was the annual exterminations that would take place to reduce the overpopulation of Hell. It was a tactic that not only reduced Hell’s populace, but also served to keep them in their place. After all, Hell consisted of every bad or “flawed” human being that ever lived. Another so called “superior” group to the sinners were the powerful creatures who were born in Hell…the Hell Born.  
Then there was royal son, Charles Magne, named after Charlemagne the conqueror. But he preferred to call himself Charlie. He was currently a teenage boy by appearance (he was more than 200 years old) with short wavy blonde hair and a white face with blushes just like his mother. Being part demon and part angel, Charlie could conjure fire and go into his horned demon form at will (He had yet to unlock his true demonic power as a Nephilim). He was often seen wearing a pink tuxedo suit, black bow tie, black pants and shoes. 

Charlie was different from the other demons in Hell, his parents included. While everyone else carelessly inflicted violence upon their brethren, Charlie would dream of a better world full of sunshine and rainbows. As a child, Charlie learned how to sing, dance and play many instruments, thanks to his parents. He loved musicals, reading, smiling and being affectionate toward others. 

When the king and queen showed Charlie his first Extermination, they thought he would passively admire the scene.

But the prince was horrified at the sight of deadly spears being plunged into the chests and heads of his people. Blood splattered the windows as muffled screams were heard from outside. Seeing all the lives lost year after year made him feel guilty. Why were his parents content to just watch from the safety of their mansion? He needed to help his people!

“There is no need to help them, my son,” Lucinda replied. “They are common sinners who are merely facing their fate.”

“So you’re just going to let all this senseless murder happen?!”

“It’s the way things are,” replied Lilium without even a glance at him. “It’s been this way for thousands of years and it will continue on for a thousand more.”

Lucinda had added all those years ago, “It’ll be your job as heir to choose a high class woman to marry so our traditions can get passed on.”

Charlie was tired of royal duties. He didn’t know what was worse, being pressured into honoring his family or the fact that many people in Hell didn’t give a rat’s ass about him. He had met his green-skinned ex-girlfriend Sevia Von Eldritch at the Hell high school prom and danced. Sevia’s brother Hel Von Eldritch with his tentacle white hair, was a rich bully and snob to him. Sevia was charming enough, if not annoyed with him whenever he talked about his dreams. 

“Your childish looks aren’t even enough to get you on Hell’s Vogue covers,” Hel chided to him. “Your ideas of redemption and happiness are a fucking joke! You must be a bitchy clown every day.” 

“Don’t underestimate what I can and can’t do, Hel!” Charlie responded in spite. “You’ll see it is possible to show that everyone can be a good person. Even though you obviously aren’t!”

Charlie eventually broke up with Sevia and got into a relationship with the aggressive gray moth demon Vaggus. Charlie’s parents were not pleased of the gay relationship, especially the sterner parent Lucinda. More often than not, Charlie felt distant from his family. 

Then Charlie came up with a plan. Using his wealth, he persuaded his family to let him build a hotel in Pentagram City to use as a place of refuge. The Happy Hotel would be a place for demons to stay for a while and to potentially redeem themselves enough to get them into Heaven. With more demons leaving Hell to a better world, there would hopefully be no more Exterminations in the future.

“What a ludicrous idea, Charles,” Lilium said, shaking his head. “What makes you think your plan will even work?”

“You know that Heaven has spared us in exchange for all the souls taken each year,” Lucinda explained. “To break tradition would cause all sorts of consequences, both for us and all of Hell.”

“What consequences?!” Charlie prodded on. “What could possibly be worse than all of this?”

“You’re too young to understand.”

“Mom, I’m centuries old! I can take care of myself.”

“Just stop with your childish fantasies and grow up,” Lucinda said.

“Why can’t you guys understand?” Charlie was on the brink of tears.

“Wipe away those tears,” Lilium said. “It’ll be better for all of us if you’ll just accept the way things are. Just think of all the amazing things to look forward to.”

“No! I can’t.” 

Lucinda glared down at his teen son. “You and your plan will be perceived as a failure to everyone else. A failure, you hear me? Do you want to be seen like that? You might as well be one if you keep this up.”

Failure.  
Failure.  
Failure.

His mother’s words repeated in his mind like a gut wrenching broken record. Was that all he really was to her?

He raced away crying, it was all too much.

“Charles!” her mother boomed in anger. Lilium just shook his head, eyes downcast. 

Sooner later, it would be time for Charlies to face the music, as it were. The process wouldn’t be easy. After all, he had lots to learn about the formerly human sinners. 

What would it be like to live as a human? To be free under a blue sky, to watch bluebirds chirp their songs. To fall in love and experience so many feelings…

Many times, Charlie felt like he belonged on Earth or in Heaven, practically anywhere else but in Hell. Having been secluded for much of his life, Charlie had little knowledge of life on the streets. All the dance moves and Latin and ancient demonic languages he learned wasn’t going to get him anywhere in that case. 

Charlie knew that inside every demon was a rainbow…or in many cases, a lost human soul changed by death and their demonic natures. It appeared he was the only one who could sense it. 

One day, a deathly silence had announced that the extermination had ended. Dead demon bodies littered the streets, and several weapons were lodged in the organs and remains. One spear poked out from a dead demon’s mouth. “Fuck you Heaven!” was spray-painted in red graffiti on one wall. “Cleanse!” was scribbled on posters of the dark bird-like horned angels with creepy grins and xs over their right eyes. There were large red signs reading “Punishment” and “Your days are numbered!” In the crimson sky, a small moon had a glowing red pentagram on it. 

Charlie sadly walked onto the balcony, his short blonde hair on his head, bangs over his pale forehead. A white shirt was under his pink tuxedo.

Charlie rubbed a hand over his face sadly. A lit up sign read “Welcome to Hell! Population: a fuck ton.” Charlie lifted his finger and colorful fireworks boomed in the sky, signaling it was safe. Another sign read “demon” in white letters. The denizens slowly opened their windows and peered out. More demons came out from their hiding places. A couple of demons poked their heads out of the windows, one of them a red demon with two eyes and horns, smoking. 

The demon prince sang his lament:

“At the end of the rainbow there’s happiness  
And to find it how often I’ve tried  
But my life is a race  
Just a wild goose chase  
And my dreams have all been denied”

“A ray of hope in this world of black  
I wish the world to be free of sin  
But no matter how I try  
I can’t get by  
And no matter what I never seem to win”

“Why have I always been a failure?  
What can the reason be?  
I wonder if the world’s to blame  
I wonder if it could be me”

“I’m always chasing rainbows  
Watching the clouds drifting by  
My schemes are just like all my dreams  
Ending in the sky”

“Some fellows look and find the sunshine  
I always look and find the rain  
Some fellows make a winning sometime  
I never even make the game  
Believe me”

“Will this world be a better place?  
Or will loss never go away?  
The choice I face  
Me a disgrace  
A loss of hope, here to stay”

“I’m always chasing rainbows  
Watching the clouds drifting by  
My schemes are just like all my dreams  
Ending in the sky”

“I’m always chasing rainbows  
Waiting to find a little bluebird  
In vain”

Lilium opened up red curtains and watched the fireworks with a passive scowl on his face. He appeared to have white hair, pink sclera eyes with white pupils and makeup on his face. Behind him was Lucinda sitting on a chair in shadow, eyes glowing red. There was also a black spider Overlord lady sipping wine, and another shadow overlord shaped like a dinosaur. A large building read “Porn Studios” on it in lit up letters. The roof was decorated with strings of lights and a life-like figure of a smiling red shirtless male wearing black boxers with a white heart on them. 

Inside the studio sat three influential Overlords, commonly known as the three Vs. Vox, the television demon had a flat screen TV for a head and wore a black dress decorated with thin vertical blue lines. The center of the long dress was decorated with red and black stripes. Vox wore a black ladies hat on her head with a large red bow and a teal Wi-Fi symbol on it. Her eyes were red and her shark-like teeth were light blue. 

Next to Vox was a small man named Velvet, the doll demon of social media. He had dark gray skin and had long bangs of magenta and dark magenta hair on his head. His eyes were pink with white irises and black pupils. He wore a suit of white, black and pink, the bottom of the suit decorated with pink hearts. 

Finally there was the woman pimp Valentina, the porn studio owner. She was a moth demon with grayish skin, antennas, and pink eyes and teeth. She wore a red coat and had white fluff decorated with little hearts on it. Pink heart shaped sunglasses outlined in yellow were over her eyes. 

Velvet happily took a picture of him and Vox, much to the TV demon’s annoyance. Velvet eagerly tapped on his phone with a big smile on his face.

Valentina looked at her phone in annoyance. 

Valentina: Did you get my money, Angie Baby?  
Angela Dust: I’m wittha Jane now. I don’t get why this needed to happen so soon after the extermination, tho. Boss.  
Valentina: Just do it. No sass. K sugar.  
Angela Dust: Yes, Val.

A bunch of imps dressed in top hats and round ladies’ hats feasted on a bloody body after a demon with a messy mane pulled out an angelic spear to sell on the black market. Beside her was an emotionless male scientist with white hair and round red glasses dressed in a white lab coat. He was recording deaths and the number of weapons on a clipboard for Xirxine labs. 

Rosea was a bird-like Overlord, elegantly dressed in a magenta suit under his long black neck. He had black eyes, light skin and short lavender hair like a demonic male Mary Poppins. He wore a matching top hat with skulls and a black rose on it. With a grin, he crossed out “Franklin” on a sign that read “Franklin and Rosea’s Emporium.” 

A brown furry demon plucked another demon’s head off the ground and put in her grocery cart full of other demon heads. More demons wondered around, including a smoking demon, a teen demon and a demon with a striped suit appearing out of nowhere. The Jackpot Hotel and Devil’s Diner were nearby. 

As Charlie cried, the clock tower rang out and the counter read “365 days til next cleanse.” A shadow painting of a figure (originally Lilith) was on the bottom of the tower, along with concert posters. “Lilium in concert” was on a few posters. 

“The Spider In Kinky Boots”

A blue demon with many arms fell to the ground. The demon had red eyes and stood up. It looked at itself in amazement. “I’m alive! I’m alive!” A car ran over the demon, as blood splattered everywhere. The car pulled to a stop and a demon got out. 

She was a tall white spider demon, her face and body white and furry. Light pink spots decorated her face and dark pink spots were under her pink eyes. The spots were reminiscent of extra spider eyes. A pink heart was on the back of her head. She wore a pink and white striped suit and high bright pink heeled boots. Pink gloves covered four of her hands. She also wore a black bow tie under her neck and a little black choker on her thin neck. 

She was Angela Dust, formerly Antonia when she was alive. She had died of an overuse of PCP, a.k.a. angel dust, hence her name. She was Hell’s number one porn star, and a common participant in the many violent wars over territory that frequently occurred. She was part of an Italian mafia family that had lived in New York in the early 1900s. The bubbly Rolls was her younger brother, Aracknia was her black furry older sister, and the grey Dope was her mother. Now here she was in Hell, working under the harsh command of her pimp boss Valentina. 

Angela rested her elbow on the open car door, slicking her fur back on her head. A gold fang was visible. Being a spider demon, she had multiple arms. Her left eye was black with a pink pupil and her right eye was white with a pink iris. 

“Thanks for the fun time, hot stuff,” came a gruff feminine voice from the driver’s seat. Tracy, the grey owl demon. 

“Yeah, yeah listen,” Angela said, closing the door and facing Tracy, “Keep this discreet, hear me? I can’t let it get out I’m offering my services to randos on the street. It was a quick cash crab, ya got that?”

She smiled and snapped all her fingers, pointing to her.

“Whatever you say, slut!” Tracy mocked with a laugh. A round gray hat was on her head. Her left eye was black with a red heart pupil while her right eye was white with a black pupil. 

The white demon cupped her face dramatically. “Ouch, oh, such an insult!” she declared, pretending to be offended. She leaned into the open car window. Tracy’s eyes shrank back and her ears flopped in fear. Angela smirked, “Let me know when you come up with something creative to call me next time, you poorly packaged sack of horse shit.”

She poked Tracy and her nose with her finger. “Tell the misters I said hi,” Angela said, blowing her a kiss before leaning back out.

Tracy rolled up the window and grumbled. “Poorly packaged…” The car flipped in the air before falling with a loud crash. 

Angela looked behind her at a store. One sign had a dripping needle that said ”blood draw” on it. A door had an upside down cross as part of the decoration. A yellow neon sign read “Beg Slut,” while a teal one read “We couldn’t think of a pun for our shop, but we sell hard drugs!” A casino flier read “Casino: just a few wins away.” A red vending machine with the word “drugs” written in white caught the spider demon’s attention. She walked over and glanced down at the options:

Coke  
Bojack  
McWeedies420  
Squip  
Hero-in  
Krunchy Krokodil  
Angel Dust

The demon pressed a button labeled “angel dust” and a white sack fell to the bottom. With a greedy smile, she took it in her hands. 

With a yoink, a gray demon snatched the bag from her hands.

“Hey!” Angela yelled.

“Up yours, drag show!” hollered the demon before she was crushed by a boulder.

“Oh my god!” cried Angela, but she wasn’t worried about the crushed demon. She sadly picked up a piece of the sack.

“My drugs! Damn it!”

“Something Rotten”

Angela turned around and spotted a flying metal aircraft, which was firing lasers at buildings. It looked like an industrial rocket ship made with gears and a steampunk style to it. A metal hook hung from the bottom of it. The lasers struck the buildings, which caused bright pink explosions to fill the air.

From inside the ship, a serpent Overlord stood high above over the controls, laughing manically. Down below, her deviled egg minions stood and watched. Each of them wore black round hats with bows on them and pinstriped round clothing. They were called Egg Grls.

The room had deep purple walls, cabinets for the minions and decorations of their leader along the wall. The stairs and many of the structures on the ship depicted scales.

The Overlord was Madam Zmeya. She wore a light gray Victorian style dress with a ruffle at the helm. The dress had yellow vertical stripes down the front. The collar of the dress was pink, the same color as her eyes were at times. She had the lower body of a dark gray and yellow snake, plus a black tail with yellow stripes and pink eyes all over it. Her gray hat was round with a moving pink eye and a grinning mouth of fangs. She sprouted a demonic grin of sharp yellow teeth and her hood was full of pink hypnotizing eyes. Her long black hair swayed, several strands turning into miniature snakes. 

Madam Zmeya had died in 1888 in the Industrial Revolution due to machine failure and a blizzard. She worked on several inventions in London, selling them under a male last name and looked down on those of a lower status. People had called her a “sneaky snake in the grass.” With the help of the blue anglerfish mad scientist Baxtra (who had died of drowning on a boat), Madam Zmeya was able to command and create her Egg Grl minions. (Baxtra, the deviant Hellhound Sobtiny and dapper guy Desperado were off in their own respective places.)

Up on the platform, the serpent oriented two levers in her hands, the control button in the center displaying a pentagram design. 

“Those other cowardly sinners dare not hinder my territorial takeover! A wise decision. The power of my machines are unmatched! No other demon can compare to the likes of I!”

One egg minion with #23 on her back added, “Gee that was pretty swell boss!”

“Yeah!” another chimed in: #666.

“You really showed them what for!” called a third.

Another minion teasingly ran her fingers up the Overlord’s spine. “I like it when you shot them with your ray gun…”

Madam Zmeya punched a minion out the window and whirled around in anger. The other minions backed up. “I wish she’d shoot me with her ray gun,” a minion whispered, head lowered. “Or perhaps splatter me with acid.”

Madam Zmeya rolled her eyes at her minions. She turned back to the controls and grinned. Pentagram circles revealed the areas she had taken over and the other territories ahead. 

“At this rate, I will seize control of the entire west side of the Pentagram by day’s end!” 

She laughed and bragged some more. “And nothing, not a single beast in this inferno of suffering, will be able to take back this empire from my constrictive grasp!”

As to prove her point, she grabbed a minion in her tail and tightly squeezed her. 

Another minion blew a noisemaker and then popped open a blue bottle of a brown drink. The Overlord threw the minion across the room as the eggs celebrated down below. 

“Hell will be mine,” she declared, “and everybody will know the name of Madam…”

“Scaly lady!” yelled a voice.

“Pardon?!” Madam Zmeya shot back in shock. “Who said that?!”

She leaned in close to two of her minions, not pleased.

“What did you just say to me, you fried chicken fetuses?!”

The minions shook in fear. 

“Speak up!” she hissed.

“It wasn’t us, miss boss woman!” said a minion.

Just then, an object shot through the glass at the front, creating a small hole. A small pink bomb with a black skull on the front, landed on the floor. Madam Zmeya observed it for a moment…the bomb looked like a cherry…which could only mean…

Madam Zmeya flinched back, a look of terror on her face. 

The bomb exploded, covering the room in sparkles and thick red smoke.

Madam Zmeya coughed and swiped some of the smoke away.

“You looking for a fight, old lady?” a male voice challenged.

Madam Zmeya spotted her rival standing proud and casually catching another bomb in his hand: Chere Bomb.

The man was towering tall in one red army boot, ripped black jeans covering his legs. He wore a loose pink crop top with an x on the front, a few suspenders connecting the loose pants and top. He had short strawberry blonde hair and a single pink eye with an x that took up most of his white face. A chain necklace with a skull on it dangled around his neck. He spouted a grin of sharp white teeth. 

Chere had died in the 1980s in Australia, due to a bomb explosion. He was a hot-headed rebel in a more easygoing culture, always fighting for the rights of LGBTQ + individuals and the downtrodden. He loved blowing things up. 

“Why don’t you get that tinker toy bullshit off my turf before I smash it…” he declared before catching his bomb. A random barbell of metal crashed into the floor close to Chere Bomb.

“…more,” he finished.

“Oh, you wanna go, mister?” Madam Zmeya retorted. She flicked her hood back before opening it. The snakes from her hair hissed in anticipation. “Well, I’m happy to oblige!”

She let out another shrill laugh as her minions closed in, holding stun guns, which crackled with yellow electricity. 

But Chere Bomb just scoffed. With graceful leaps, he avoided the blasts and threw down another bomb. He used the cover to escape, jumping down and swinging once from the anchor at the bottom of the flying craft. Landing gracefully on the ground, he continued his assault from below.

“Catch me if you can, reptilian bitch!” he taunted out loud.

“Get him!” she bellowed through the red smoke, the eggs quickly running around in a frenzy. 

The minions jumped to the ground after him, the Overlord following suit. Chere Bomb dodged a blast, grinned and picked up the minion egg. He spun around and threw the minion straight into Madam Zmeya’s face. The snake threw the egg back at him, and he caught it with one hand. 

“Thanks for the gift!” Chere called out, before cracking the egg open with an evil grin. He placed a bomb into it, then threw it back...straight into her face. Madam Zmeya could only make a face of surprise before the egg blew up in pink smoke. 

“Why you little…”

Chere Bomb ducked as another egg sailed over his head. 

Just then, a familiar drug-addict white demon stomped on an egg minion and threw a grenade in the distance.

“Angela!” called Chere Bomb, happy to have his partner in crime arrive.

“Great to see you too, sweetie!” she teased. 

Another pink explosion filled the air as the fight continued. 

“Hey, thanks for the backup, Angie!” Chere Bomb said as he fired a flaming red blast from a metal canon weapon toward Madam Zmeya.

Angela Dust laughed, leaning against volcanic rock as cover. She threw a grenade over her white head.

“Hahaha! Are you kiddin’? This is the best action I’ve seen in ages!”

A pink explosion rocked the streets. 

“Where have you been anyway?” Chere asked as he removed a fuse from another bomb. “I thought you up and died or some shit.”

“Oh I wish,” Angela remarked as she lit another fuse and handed the bomb to her ally. He threw it forward, then ducked behind the rock next to Angela.

Angela continued, “I’ve been staying at this crappy hotel on the other side of town. Some hunks are lettin’ me stay rent-free if I play nice.” They covered their ears.

A column of green smoke rose into the air with a fiery whoosh. The duo leaped over the rock and charged at the army of egg minions. Using four arms, Angela Dust fired rapidly from a gun at the minions, making some of them explode.

She sighed, and used one of her hands to gesture. “Y’know, no fights, no pranks, no “problematic language.” His words, not mine.”

Angela tripped an unsuspecting minion, sending her into the air and exploding in a yellow yok mess. Angela waved a spiked club and continued firing her gun. A pot shop stood in the background, with marijuana leaves near the sign.

“These bastards are no fun!” Angela complained in frustration. Splatters of yok landed on her head and face. “I’ve been clean for two weeks!”

“Holy shit!” Chere Bomb yelled after avoiding a green explosion and leaping into the air, more bombs in his hands.

Angela scooped up yok with her pink gloved finger. “Well, sorta clean.” She smashed apart another egg minion with her club. “As clean as you can get with a shitload of Bolivian marching powder.”

Angela’s shadowy silhouette displayed sharp fangs as Chere posed in the background, one of his boots missing. A sign read “50% off meth” above a small super market. 

A black chain wrapped tightly around Angela’s waist and chest, sending her flying backwards. Chere Bomb gasped as his ally was pulled away. Madam Zmeya threw the chained Angela hard onto the ground a distance away. The spider landed with a thud against volcanic rock.

“Oh, harder mommy!” Angela teased with a wide smirk.

Madam Zmeya gasped, eyes tearing up. “Daughter?!”

Angela Dust stared blankly, one eye raised, a look of disbelief on her face. 

Chere Bomb rushed into action, landing a sharp kick to Madam Zmeya back. The villain landed on the ground, then hissed threateningly. She stood up and brushed off her dress. 

“You whores have no class!” she exclaimed. “In war, the side remembered is the side with the most…style.” She fluffed up the lace in the center of her dress for emphasis. 

Chere Bomb broke open an egg and tossed the shells aside. Angela stood up, freeing herself from the chains.

“Or the side that ain’t dead,” Chere added.

“Speaking of style, is your hat like, alive or something?” asked the spider demon wiggling her fingers.

Madam Zmeya hissed. “Oh, well, that’s none of your goddamn business, now is it?”

Angela continued, “Would that make your hat the top and you the bottom?”

She and Chere burst into laughter. Even a pink “loser” sign pointed at the oblivious villain. “Ooooh,” said a minion near her. “One hellish burn.” The snake slapped the egg with her hand.

“I’m going to blow you to bits!” Madam Zmeya screeched, yelled, pointing at them.  
“Hmm! Kinky!” Angela teased. 

An advertisement displaying a plate of, sausage, eggs and a tomato slice stood halfway buried in the ground. A glowing pink sign pointing down read “pussy.” Another yellow sign read, “Sex here.”

“Not like that! Pervert!” yelled the villain, pointing a finger. Chere Bomb and Angela Dust held in laughter.

Angela suddenly pushed Chere Bomb out of the way, as an egg minion shot tendrils of claws from behind them. The claws had eyes in the center and grabbed onto Angela’s four wrists. She struggled to free herself, the cords stretching. 

Madam Zmeya chuckled. “Not so cocky now, are we? You got yourself into this wet mess!”

“Y’know, you really need to watch what’s coming out of your mouth,” Angela remarked. 

The villain didn’t respond.

Angela sighed. “I’ve been making these sex jokes this whole time!”

A drill poked out from the ground, Angela barely avoiding it. A minion held a drill in her small hands at Angela. Two extra arms popped out from Angela’s body, holding her rifle.

“And it’s obvious you ain’t catching on.”

She cocked her gun. “I mean, it’s just…sad!”

The spider jumped into the air, freeing herself and firing the gun. The laser hit Madam Zmeya, and her gray hat fell off.

Chere Bomb popped up next to Angela, walking sideways. “Think you’re gonna get into a lot of trouble for this?”

“Eh, what’s one little brawl gonna cause?” Angela shrugged her shoulders and retracted her extra arms. Madam Zmeya lay fuming on the ground.

More egg minions scrambled over to the edge of a high cliff, overlooking the scene. Egg shells and yok puddles littered the cracked street.

Chere Bomb playfully elbowed Angela. “Glad ya haven’t changed. You know you’re my favorite gal to party with!”

“You know it, sugar bits,” Angela replied.

“You ready to finish this?” he asked. He rolled a bomb from one of his shoulders to his other shoulder, then into his hand. 

Angela cocked her gun again. “Born ready, baby!”

The duo charged at Madam Zmeya. Everyone yelled. More egg minions fell and Madam Zmeya realized she was running out fast.

After several more minutes of battle, Madam Zmeya and her remaining minions retreated back to their ship. “This isn’t over, sluts!” she declared at her enemies. “I’ll have my revenge!” The ship hatch closed. The egg minions steered the ship and it rose into the air, almost sending the Overlord flying out of the craft. She tossed out more minions in response before taking the controls and flying the craft away.

Angela and Chere Bomb high-fived.

“See you around,” Chere said.

“Until the next brawl,” said Angela.

Chere Bomb waved goodbye and blasted music from an Eye Pod (a device made from an actual moving eye. “Hello, daddy. Hello mom. I’m your ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb! Hello world! I’m your wild boy. I’m your ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb!” he sang out loud. Angela Dust laughed and continued on her way.

After buying some more amino and pot from the 666 Shop, Angela met with Charlie and Vaggus in a white monster limo with teeth on the front of the vehicle. A great day indeed for the promiscuous demon.

“Morning Report”

Transcript during the 666 News:  
“BREAKING NEWS: A LARGE SCALE TURF WAR IS UNDERWAY IN PENTAGRAM CITY BETWEEN MADAM ZMEYA AND CHERE BOMB. THE SURROUNDING AREAS ARE COVERED IN DEBRIS, SO PLEASE AVOID DOWNTOWN ON YOUR COMMUTE TODAY. TRAFFIC IS “HELLA” BACKED UP. GET IT? “HELL” BUT WITH AN “A” AT THE END? THAT’S A WORD YOUNGER PEOPLE SEEM TO ENJOY USING. I DON’T REALLY LIKE IT, THOUGH. I WROTE IT BECAUSE IT SEEMED LIKE THE NATURAL KIND OF PUN TO MAKE FOR THIS SITUATION, BUT NOW THAT I SEE IT IN TEXT, I FEEL LIKE IT WAS A MISTAKE, A MISTAKE I CAN’T TAKE BACK…LIKE CHEATING ON MY HUSBAND. I’M SO SORRY, MARTIN. I SHOULDN’T HAVE DONE IT, BUT YOU DID GAIN A LOT OF WEIGHT AFTER BECOMING A FATHER AND I REALLY NEEDED SOME SPACE. YOU KNOW, WHAT? NO, THAT WAS A GOOD CALL. I BANGED THE JANITOR, AND THAT WAS A PRETTY NICE TIME, EVEN THOUGH HE LAUGHED AT ME WHEN I TOLD HER I COULDN’T GET OFF UNLESS HE LICKED MY FOOT FIRST. I DON’T SEE HOW THAT’S A WEIRD REQUEST. MAYBE IF I’D JUST GET A HOOKER, HE WOULD’VE BEEN MORE AGREEABLE. THE POINT IS, MY HUSBAND IS A FUCKING SON OF A BITCH. ONE TIME, WE WENT TO THE ZOO AND I GOT REALLY MAD BECAUSE I THOUGHT THE ORANGUTAN WAS MAKING FUN OF ME. SHE KEPT DOING THAT STUPID DUCK LIP FACE? THEIR LIPS ALL PUCKERED? THEN IT STARTED SCREAMING, AND THAT REALLY PISSED ME OFF. MY HUSBAND TOLD ME IT WAS JUST A MONKEY, AND TO “CALM DOWN.” 

A neon logo appeared on the screen, displaying “666 News” in a circle with a neon eye underneath. The names of the news cast appeared on the bottom of the screen.

A skeletal demon man with short blonde hair and a large toothy grin stood wearing a dark pink fancy suit with a tie. Sitting at the other chair, dressed in a blue-gray business dress was a demon with a gray gas mask for a face along with long light blonde hair. They were live on the air.

“Good afternoon!” said the man. “I’m Karter Killjoy.”

“And I’m Tam Trench!” said the masked woman. “Chaos at Pentagram City today as a turf war is raging on the west side between notable queen Madam Zmeya and self-proclaimed spunky powerhouse Chere Bomb!”  
Two pictures surrounded by flame borders showed Madam Zmeya wearing a yellow “music band” shirt, doing a peace sign and wearing a pair of sunglasses with a dopey expression on her face. The other picture showed Chere Bomb flipping the bird with a grin and standing under glittering spotlights. 

“That’s right Tam!” Karter added. “After the recent extermination, many areas are now up for grabs! Demons all over Hell are already duking it out to gain new territory!”

The clips showed Madam Zmeya fighting Chere Bomb with her egg minions.

“Those two seem to really be going at it, huh? Looks like they’re fighting tooth and nail for that hot spot!” Karter popped a tooth and a nail into his mouth.

“And I’d sure like to nail his hot spot!” Tam Trench said with a giggle.

Karter chuckled forcefully. “You are a shriveled pussy jackass, Tam. Or should I say…”

Adding insult and injury, he poured his hot coffee over her groin and spilled more onto her breasts…

“No pussy!”

“Augh! Not again!” she groaned.

Another picture surrounded by a border of flames displayed Charlie with the letters “Prince of Hell” next to it.

Karter continued. “Coming up next, we have an exclusive interview with the son of Hell’s own head honcho, who’s here to discuss his brand new passion-project!”

Tam Trench winced in pain on the desk.

“All that and more after the break!”

Karter broke his white mug in his hand, and turned to Tam Trench. “Suck it up you little bitch…”

The TV went off air, displaying Karter’s mouth and eyes, colored bars and “off air” with a pentagram in the “O”.

Inside the break room, Vaggus adjusted Charlie’s black bowtie. Nearby, a red tinted sign said that smoking was, indeed, allowed. Another sign read “on air,” in large letters.

Vaggus had died at age 22 in 2014. He was El Salvadorian and had died from a gang rape of both men and women for being gay. He remembered the jeers from the evil crowd towering over him as they taunted, “You should enjoy this, she-male!” as a woman pinned him down with ecstasy in her eyes. After being brutally beaten, his body was then set on fire. Ever since then, he mistrusted nearly every woman he saw, carrying a harpoon wherever he went. Vaggus could say he was lucky to have found Charlie. 

“Okay, you remember what to say?” Vaggus asked. He had a light gray face and sharp short white bangs over part of his face. The bangs obscured his left eye, which had a pink x over it, He wore a loose white shirt with xs over his nipples. He wore long pants with stripes on them. The left leg had gray and pink stripes down it. Little red horns stuck out from his head, which grew sharper and longer whenever he got angry…which was often. He also wore a torn gray jacket. He eyed his boyfriend expectantly with his orange eye. 

Charlie took a deep breath, enthusiasm in his voice. “Yes! Let’s do this!”

Vaggus put a comforting hand on his shoulder. He signaled with two fingers for him to pay attention. “Just, look at me and I’ll mouth it to you.”

Charlie sighed. “Come on, Vaggus! I know what to say!”

He walked over to the pitcher of red punch. “I just feel like we need to…I don’t know, make things sound more exciting…”

He tossed a donut aside before gasping. 

“Oh! What if I…”

“Sing a song about it?” Vaggus finished.

“You knew I was gonna say that.” He playfully tapped his friend on the nose. Vaggus chuckled after Charlie poked his nose.

Vaggus adjusted Charlie’s bowtie again and shook his shoulders. “Because I know you. But please don’t sing. This is serious.” He pounded his fist onto his hand.

Charlie snapped his fingers and briefly winked. “Well, you know, I find I’m better at expressing myself through song!” He stood on the table and arched his arms dramatically. Down below, the prince’s red goat demons Shimmer and Glimmer chewed on donuts.

“But life isn’t a musical, dude,” Vaggus reminded him.

“Fine,” Charlie said with a slump. Then he brightened again. 

“But I do have these other ideas of what to say.”

He hopped off the table and pulled out a piece of paper, hopping excitedly.  
“The highlighted bits are the best parts!”

Vaggus took the paper and scanned it in disbelief. “Uh, it’s all highlighted. Is this a drawing?”

“Yes!” Charlie answered. He pointed to his picture. It showed a list that read: “4, unicorn kisses,” “5, dolphin high-fives?” and “6, sing show tunes = happy ending!” He drew stick figures of demons standing on clouds under a rainbow with a sun and red hearts with faces on them.

“That’s the happy ending, see? Everyone’s smiling and happy in Heaven!”

“I don’t think it’s that simple,” Vaggus stated. He then begged him: “Just please follow the talking points we went over.”

He pulled Charlie close and stared him directly in the eyes. “And do. Not. Sing.”

Charlie sighed exasperatedly. “Fine.” Then he trotted over and spoke in an accent. “I’ll just have to resort to my impeccable improv skills.” He gave a salute, several moves of his head and went outside. 

Vaggus somehow knew that this would not end well.

“Biggest Blame Fool”

Charlie walked over to Karter Killjoy, who posed in his red suit, smoking a cigarette.

“Hi! I’m Charlie.”

He waved and held out his hand. 

“Karter Killjoy,” the man deadpanned before blowing out smoke and snapping his cigarette. “I’d say it’s a ‘pleasure’ to meet you, but that would be a lie. You can put that away,” he regarded Charlie’s hand. “I don’t touch the gays. I have standards.”

“Yeah?” Charlie asked nervously, looking at a big flashing sign that read “Hell’s #1 News!” “How’s uh…how’s that working for ya?”

“Look, my time is money, so I’ll keep this short,” Karter cut in. He invasively tapped Charlie’s chest and nose with his finger. “We’re not here because we wanted you here. You’re here because Amelia couldn’t make it for her infanticide segment.”

Karter mentioned to a billboard that showed a pale black haired woman cradling several dead babies in her arms. “A Dyer case!” was the tagline. “Who approved this show?” was written on a sticky note tapped to the corner of the advertisement. Tam Trench shook her head in her seat. “Sex! Murder! Weather!” were displayed on a column of three smaller signs. 

Karter slicked back his hair, flexed his thin arms, and continued: “You might be some royal bigshot, but that doesn’t mean shit to me. I’m too rich and too influential to give a flying fuck about what some tux-wearing demon “prince” wants to advertise.”

“But I…” Charlie began.

“So don’t get cocky with me, bastard,” he warned, getting into Charlie’s face, “Or I will fucking wipe the floor with you!”

“And we’re live!” said a voice.

Karter rushed back into his seat with a bony crack of his neck. 

“Welcome back!”

Charlie sat in a chair next to him.

“So, Prince Charles Magne…”

“It’s Charlie,” he squeaked.

“Whatever,” Karter dismissed. He took a frustrated breath and clicked his red pen in his hand. “Tell us about this new passion project you’ve been insistently pestering our news station about!”

“Well…” Charlie cleared his throat. He looked nervously at the demonic crew in front of him. A demon with a TV head, had “words” flashed across the screen in angry red letters. There was a girl with a black hat for a face, an Egyptian-like male with a white poodle, a man with teal skin, a demon with glasses and green snake hair, a demon with two thin heads, several red horned demons and a few Overlords. Another man wore a hat with hanging beads and colorful Day of the Dead makeup on his face. Vaggus encouraged him to go on. 

Charlie took a deep breath, his voice soft spoken. 

“As most of you know, I was born here in Hell, and growing up, I’ve always tried to see the good in everything around me.”

Karter clicked his pen impatiently. He spotted a green caterpillar and stabbed it with his pen with a predatory grin. Ink splattered on Charlie’s face and around the area. 

Charlie continued, wiping off the dark pink ink from his face: “Hell is my home and…you are my people. We…”

Vaggus gave him a thumbs up and a smile.

“…we just went through another extermination. We lost so many souls, and it breaks my heart to see my people being slaughtered every year.” His voice rose. “And no one is even given a chance!”

Charlie banged his fist on the desk, waking Karter from a bored drooling daze. A buff demon with horns and four eyes with a skull bull face wore a shirt with the word “crew” on it. An imp with a heart on his forehead stood nearby.  
Charlie made his way forward. “I can’t stand idly by while the place I live is subjected to such violence! So, I’ve been thinking. Isn’t there a more humane way to hinder overpopulation here in Hell? Perhaps we can create an alternative way to change souls through…redemption?”

Charlie pulled the buff demon into a side hug. “Well, I think yes. So that’s what this project aims to achieve!” He ran back to the desk.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m opening the first of its kind! A hotel that rehabilitates sinners!”

The audience stared in stunned silence as Charlie raised his arms. Not even the flesh-eating crickets were chirping through the awkward quiet.

A bloodstained logo “Radio Hack” was displayed above a window which provided a stack of a dozen TVs inside. One demon watching had deer antlers and a flaming blue face, one of the many cruel Overlords. Sobtiny, the 90’s rocker hellhound, stood with a little demon wearing a jester hat upside down. Two hellhound twins stood nearby, one with dyed red hair, the other purple. A neon sign nearby read “Bar” “Klub Kanji,” and “used TVs.”  
In a bar, dark demons wearing cowboy hats were playing pool, not even paying attention. The lead gun faced demon wore a cloth over his grinning face and had a large barrel gun for a face. Her friend looked like a demonic bug, and another looked like a wicked witch from an old film. Meanwhile in a bar, purple and blue dragon-like demons sat and drank while casually watching the TVs overhead. 

Charlie stuttered, “Ya know…’Cause hotels are for people passing through…temporarily…”

A tattooed dark blue reptile demon stood up and let out a loud laugh. 

“Is this guy for real? He thinks, you hear what he thinks? He…heh, heh, heh, oh he’s nuts.” The demon walked away with a small lavender creature and a tall maroon being wearing punk rock clothing and crazy neon hair.

Charlie added, “I figure it would serve a purpose…a place work toward redemption!” He weakly added, “Yay.”

One dragon demon leaped away as a tall shadowy figure stood in the background. The sound of tap shoes approached. 

The figure stood right next to a ratted flier which read “Beware her! Do not fuck with her!” “The Radio Demon” and “Radio Sounds!” was scrawled in white on demons screaming and fleeing from a monster. 

The woman smiled and tilted her head a notch as she watched the TV with curiosity and amusement. Her shadow next to her briefly morphed into a shadowy face with fluffy ears. She spotted the fliers out of the corner of her red eyes, holding in a laugh. 

“Who, me? ‘Obviously’ not! I’d never put on a show and make other demons flee to their graves.”

Just the thought of it got her excited.

She had heard of the demon prince before, but she wasn’t expecting him to appear on TV. She certainly never heard of an idea so crazy before. Making sinners good people was even less likely than making pigs fly (which was one magic trick she could easily do). 

When Charlie started to sing, the red eyed demon couldn’t help but tap her cloven feet and silently hum along. 

“Haven’t been this entertained since I broadcasted my massacre of the Ninth Ring. This cute Charlie character is intriguing…” 

Befriending the prince, and doing something different seemed like a good idea. She glanced over at a faraway Happy Hotel building.

The sorceress knew where she would go next. 

Back at the news station, a camerawoman with blue hair and a white face looked up and scoffed, “Stupid punk.”

Vaggus punched her hard in the face in response, causing her to fall off the chair to the ground.

Charlie stared around him, concerned. “Look, every single one of you has something good deep down inside. I know you do.”

A light bulb went off in his head and he smirked. “Maybe I’m not getting through to you…”

Vaggus face palmed, knowing what was coming next. “Oh no…”

Charlie snapped his fingers and his bodyguard demons appeared. One sat and began to play a grand piano. 

Summoning the Disney prince within him, Charlie belted out his song:

“I have a dream  
I’m here to tell  
About a wonderful, fantastic new hotel  
Yes, it’s one of a kind  
Right here in Hell  
Catering to a specific clientele”

Shimmer and Glimmer howled along…  
The tempo rapidly picked up…

“Inside of every demon is a rainbow  
Inside every sinner is a shiny smile  
Inside of every creepy hatchet-wielding maniac  
Is a jolly, happy cupcake-loving child”

“We can turn around  
They’ll be heaven-bound!  
With just a little time  
Down at the Happy Hotel!”

“So all you junkies, freaks and weirdos  
Creepers, fuck-ups, crooks, and zeroes  
And the fallen superheroes, help is here!  
All of you cretins, sluts and losers  
Sexual deviants and boozers  
And prescription drug abusers  
Need not fear  
Forever again  
We’ll cure your sin  
We’ll make you well  
You’ll feel so swell  
Right here in Hell at the Happy Hotel!”

“There’ll be no more fire  
And there’ll be no more screams  
Just puppy dog kisses, and cotton candy dreams  
And puffy-wuffy clouds  
You’re gonna be all like, wow!  
Once you check in with me!”

“So all your cartoon porn addictions  
Vegan rants, psychic predictions  
Ancient Roman crucifixions  
End right here!”

“All you monsters, thieves and crazies  
Cannibals and crying babies  
Frothing mouthers full of rabies  
Fill with cheer!”

“You’ll be complete!  
It’ll be so neat!  
Our service can’t be beat!  
You’ll be on easy street! (Yes!)  
Life will be sweet at the Happy Hotel!  
Yeah!”

Throughout the song, Charlie imagined giving a shiny cupcake to a masked killer, holding cotton candy and a brown puppy in his arms in the clouds…avoiding the attacks of every horror movie serial killer… (Music Logic)  
He pictured throwing drugs into a bin of fire, giving shots to monsters, giving money to charity, disturbing porn additions with a bra…

Snatching a “my waifu” and “my husbando” porn mags of out a demon’s hands…

Throwing away demon’s cell phones…

Knocking over crosses…

Avoiding a scary spider overlord with yellow bat wings and pink eyes all over her body…

Giving demons big hugs…

Charlie emerging in his horned demon form from a flaming pentagram, and jumping with joy in a land full of candy, rainbows, and ice cream.

Charlie finished with a pose on the table, arms in the air and panted. 

The top hat demon smiled. “Wow! That was…shit!”

The crowd burst into rancorous laughter and boos, including a blue demon made of fire in the boo section. Karter shrieked and banged his fist on the table. Charlie sank down to his knees in embarrassment.

“What in the nine circles of Hell makes you think a single denizen of Hell would give two shits about becoming a better person? You have no proof that this little experiment even works! You want people to be good just…because?”

Charlie lifted up his head. “Well, we have a patron already who believes in our cause, and she’s shown incredible progress!”

“Oh?” Karter asked, leaning in, “…and who might that be?”

“Oh just someone named…Angela Dust.”

“The porn star?” asked Tam Trench in disbelief. She subconsciously unzipped her zipper and Karter whirled on her; “You fucking would, Tam!” His sharp nails left marks on the table. “I’m not listening to a woman!”

Karter turned back to Charlie. “In any case, that’s not even an accomplishment. I’m sure you can get that hooker to do anything with enough booger sugar and lube.”

Someone wolf-whistled in the audience.

“Oh, I beg to differ,” Charlie argued, holding up his fingers. “She’s been behaved, clean, and out of trouble for two whole weeks.”

“Breaking news!” announced a voice as music came on. Excited, Karter pushed Charlie aside. “We are receiving word that a new player has entered the ongoing turf war! Let’s go check out the live feed!”

To Charlie’s sheer horror, Angela Dust was seen on screen, crushing egg shells and fighting with Chere Bomb.

“Oh shit,” Charlie breathed.

“Oh shit indeed!” exclaimed Karter with a grin. “It looks like the one who has just joined the battle is none other than…”

He let out a dramatic gasp…”porn actor Angela Dust! What a juicy coincidence!”

The screen showed Angela Dust with the words “Angela Dust in ‘Well, Ok’: 18+.” Dicks and boobs were blurred.

Satisfied, he turned back to Charlie. “You must feel really stupid right now.” Karter and Tam laughed again.

“Ratings!” they added with jazz hands.

“Don’t look at this!” Charlie called, waving his arms in vain from behind the screen. 

“Well, it sure looks like your little project is dead on arrival,” Karter smirked. “Tell us, how does it feel to be such a total failure?”

Failure. Failure…Charlie could see his doubt reflected in Karter’s pink eyes and overbearing shadowy figure. Karter and everyone laughed some more, their jeers painful to Charlie’s ears. 

“Yeah?” Charlie asked. He snatched up Karter’s red pen and held it triumphantly. “Well, how does it feel that I got your pen, huh? Sissy!”

Karter glared dangerously. Charlie dropped the pen with a nervous smile, “Oops.”

Tam leaped out of the way.

Karter grew taller, his form turning to shadow. Out sprouted claws, four extra sharp appendages, and four red eyes on his face like a spider. He launched himself at Charlie. Charlie clawed at his hair and landed punches as the alarm went off in the news room. Karter crawled on the desk on multiple legs like an insect, baring his fangs before Charlie jumped at him and knocked him off the table. Tam Trench screamed as her body was set on fire. “Why won’t anyone help me?!”

Charlie eventually ran out of the news room, Karter following close behind, as everyone yelled.

“And stay out, you retarded faggot!” Karter cussed as Charlie made a run for it down the sidewalk. Charlie was tempted to strangle the homophobic, news bigshot with his bare hands…but that would only contradict his goal…if he even had one anymore.

Vaggus followed him and the two of them didn’t say a word as they waited for their ride. Soon enough, a white limo with a monster mouth on the front of the vehicle rolled to the curb. Vaggus and Charlie climbed in…and so did an ecstatic Angela Dust. The doors closed and they drove off toward the Happy Hotel.

“Your Fault”  
Charlie had never felt so humiliated in his life. He sat in his seat and curled into himself. Once again, his ideas were dismissed, mocked, ridiculed. No one was willing to see the good in themselves. The demons were content to wallow in suffering, violence, and cruelty until the end of their afterlives. Tears were already threatening to spill from his yellow eyes, but he held them in. 

Maybe his mother was right. What if he really was a failure, like everyone said?

As if reading his mind, Vaggus gave him a small hug next to him. “You’re not a failure, Charlie. It’s just…no one understands your ideas. People think they’re…I don’t know…outlandish?”

He got a sad sigh from Charlie in response. “I just wanted to make things better for my people. I know I don’t feel much like a prince, but at the same time…I feel like it’s my duty…my destiny to being some cheer to this place.”

“Heh. No one can ever top your optimism,” Vaggus mentioned, with a playful roll of his eyes. “Your happiness can be spotted miles away.”  
A small smile formed on Charlie’s face. “Well, at least I can pull myself up and keep going…”

Vaggus stared, hopeful…

“…But today isn’t one of those days.”

Vaggus slumped slightly. “I did warn you not to sing.”

“I couldn’t help it,” he countered. “How else was I supposed to get my message across?”

“Not everyone likes singing and music all the time.”

“My family does.”

“But the other demons aren’t your family.”

Charlie stared out the window at the buildings whizzing by. “Sometimes I feel like my family is bigger than just my parents.” He turned to look at his boyfriend. “You’re my best friend, sorta like my older brother…and the only one who seems to get me. You’re part of my family already.”

Vaggus chuckled softly. “Without me, you wouldn’t have lasted very long out in the big world.”

“For once, I agree with you there,” Charlie replied. 

During several minutes of silence, the two demon boys locked hands just out of sight. It was their habitual way of showing comfort, and it worked on the many days when Vaggus didn’t want any hugs. 

“Don’t get too discouraged,” Vaggus said. “We’ll get back to the hotel and figure things out from there.”

“I kinda feel like singing another lament now.”

“Please don’t.”

“Fine.”

The limo drove past the 666 Shop, the Nightmare Night Club, and an Evil Donuts store, complete with slime and worms displayed on the donut structure. Pink eyes decorated the ceiling of the car. Charlie curled into himself again, and took a puff of a breath. Even the painted eyes seemed to judge his every move. He glanced over at Vaggus, whose eye was twitching in annoyance. 

Angela Dust was busy playing with the button, making the car window go up and down, up and down. She froze when she saw an angry Vaggus staring at her. Vaggus’ small red horns stood up in agitation whenever he got angry.

“What?” Angela asked with a shrug.

“What? What?!” Vaggus shouted, pulling out chunks of his short white hair. “What were you doing?!”

Angela sighed. “Aw come on! I owed my boy buddy a solid! Isn’t that a ‘redeeming quality?’ Helping friends with stuff?”

“Not with turf wars that result in mass murder and destruction!” Vaggus replied.

“Eh, you win some, you lose a few hundred,” she said with a snicker. “It wasn’t that bad anyway.”

She propped up her long legs and pushed the window button again. Vaggus tossed a dagger at the button and it fizzed out in a shower of sparks. Angela stared, shocked and terrified. Vaggus growled in warning.

“Aw come on, I had to!” Angela protested. “My credibility was on the line!” She sighed. “I mean what kind of reputation would I have of people found out I was trying to go clean? It just throws out my entire persona.” She lifted up her furry chest, bouncing her white furry breasts up and down.

“Your credibility?” Vaggus asked in anger. “What about the hotel? Your little stunt made us look like a fucking joke!”  
“No, no no, babe. Jokes are funny! I made you look…uh, sad. And pathetic! Like an orphan, with no arms. Or legs. Uh…oh with progeria!” Charlie covered his face with his hands as Angela blabbered on.

“Great! Now I’m bummed just thinking about it! This thing have any liquor?” She bent down to the floor and tossed a bottle aside. She then flicked a wrapper away onto a seat.

Vaggus was fuming. “Can you please just try to take this seriously?”

“Fine, I’ll try. Just don’t get your taco in a twist, fairy.”

Vaggus stood up with hands on his hips. “Was that you trying to be homophobic or racist?”

“Whatever pisses you off more. Is there seriously no liquor in here?”

“I’m gonna kill her,” Vaggus swore, crossing his arms and sitting back down.

“Too, late, dude. Wait, would that make me double dead?” She laughed slowly and loudly. “And where exactly do I go? To double Hell?”

She laughed again. “Sorry, you’re stuck with me, bastard. Get used to it.”

Vaggus swore in Spanish.

“Listen, who cares if some jagoffs got hurt?” Angela nonchalantly asked. “Most of them are ugly freaks. Look around! Got a bunch of fuckin’ harlequin babies down there.”

“You’re one to talk,” Vaggus muttered with a small smirk.

Angela laughed then yelled “Hey!” in protest. “This body is flawless! Everyone wants some of me and I’ve got the creepy fan letters to prove it!”

She pulled out a dirty piece of paper from in between her boobs that read: “Show me your feet! Brenda. #1 fan/critic.” There was a picture of a young Angela in the lap of a naked fat lady, licking Angela with her green tongue. She had a tattoo of Angela with a red crossed out sign. 

This time, Charlie spoke up. “That was really uncool, y’know, Angela.”

Vaggus growled and turned to his friend. “Uncool?!” He mentioned to Angela. “After that train-wreck, there is no way anyone is gonna wanna stay at the hotel.” He turned to the spider. “All thanks to you and your selfish bullshit!”

Angela glanced at a discarded pile of ash and used cigarettes. “Does this mean I don’t get a free room anymore?”

Vaggus spread out his hands as if asking “Well, what do you think?”

She let out a mock sigh and snap. “Ah, well, shucks.”

Charlie pulled off his dark pink shirt, revealing a white shirt with a black bowtie. 

“Hey, come on, we don’t know if things are over yet. Try to relax, Vaggus. It’ll be okay!”

Now it was Vaggus’ turn to let out a small smile of thanks. Charlie placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, and his friend calmed down. 

“What would I do without you?” Vaggus asked. He and Charlie slowly leaned into each other, their heads gently touching. 

“Get a room, boys!” Angela remarked, before receiving a “Shut up!” from both of them. 

Finally, the deviant crew arrived at the Happy Hotel. It was an elegant building fit for any demon who wanted to stay a few nights. Eye designs lined the border of a dark pink circus canopy at the front like a creepy mosaic. Branches jutted out from the roof as part of the structure. Old fashioned lanterns attached to the wall had flames flickering inside, nonstop. The double doors consisted of stained glass windows with red apples in the center. Little stained glass snake eyes peered unblinkingly at them from around the larger window in the door. 

Angela, Vaggus, and Charlie got out of the car and threw open the double doors. A random black bug scurried away from the incoming light. A yellow sign read “Concierge” behind a pink “welcome” banner. The check in table was decorated with colored flags leaning toward the floor and random balloons with small star shapes on them. A vase was decorated with yellow eyes along the sides. Another flower pot was in the shape of a human mouth…white flowers posed above. Vaggus sighed and plopped onto a red cushioned couch in the style of a monster’s mouth. 

The red rug down the hallway was decorated with the same eyeball designs, apples on the end, plus shadow skulls of horned monsters in the center.

All around the room, were pictures of Charlie as a little boy with his father and mother on various trips. One picture showed him and Vaggus in front of a castle at Loo-Loo World, Hells’ version of Disney World. 

Angela Dust came across a red fridge leaning low against the wall. She opened the door and pulled out a purple box labeled “Popsies.” She shrugged at the dripping ruined box and took out a popsicle. She gave it a lick.

“It’s prolly a good idea to get some actual food in this place. Y’know, to feed all the wayward souls ya got in here.” She laughed nervously, trying to cheer Charlie up. But Charlie just sat sadly on a wooden box in a darkened area of the room. Angela closed the fridge door, sucked on a popsicle and reached out one of her arms to him…then hesitated. She walked away, letting him have some alone time.

Charlie walked past the two posing elephant statues balancing balls on their trunks, and toward the front door. He opened the door and went outside. Holding out his purple cell phone, (or “Hell Phone, hah, get it?”) he pressed an icon with the word “Dad” decorated with a heart and horns on the d’s. 

Charlie took a deep breath as a voicemail tone came through. 

“Hey Dad. Um, I know I keep calling, and you must be busy. Really busy. But, um…the interview didn’t go well and…I don’t know if I’m going to make a difference. I don’t know what I’m doing. I could really use some advice, Dad.”

He slid down and sat on the stone ground, tears falling from his eyes. He wiped some away with his arm. “I think mom was right about me. A-anyway, I’ll stop talking before this gets too long. Love you! Bye.”

He ended the call with a tap and rubbed his eyes with his hand. Standing back up, he opened the door, closed it, and leaned against the stained glass window, eyes closed. 

What was he supposed to do now? 

“Let’s Misbehave”

A slow ominous knocking from outside interrupted Charlie’s thoughts. He opened his eyes. 

Knock. Knock, knock, knock, knock. Knock, knock.

It was a rhythmic knock, sounding like “shave and a haircut.” (Or was it “skunks in a barnyard”, or “imps in a cauldron?” He wasn’t sure. 

An ice cold feeling of dread spread through his veins. No other demon would ever do that kind of knock.

Unless…

He tentatively reached out his hand to the door handle, and quickly pulled it open.

Sure enough, the most feared demon in Hell was standing right outside his door. 

She stood a head taller than him, wearing an elegant long dark red dress decorated with thin light red stripes going down it. Several tatters were visible at the helm. The area below her neck had a red undershirt with a black downward facing pentagram for decoration. The pentagram was framed by more lace in a v shape. She wore dark stitched up leggings and black high heels with red deer prints underneath them. Black gloves with red fingertips covered her long fingers. 

And her face…momentarily her figure and face were pretty to Charlie but he quickly became terrified as he looked up. Her face was a sickly gray and her sharp yellow teeth were set in a wide grin. Her long hair was red and black, the smaller black ends tapering off past her shoulders. The rest of her hair was red, up to the black tips of her two fluffy deer like tufts perched on top of her head. She had no antlers. A red vintage microphone staff was a magical item she carried with her. A monocle rested under her right eye. 

Alastra was born French Creole in New Orleans in the early 1900s. She was very close to her African American father who taught her about hunting and Voodoo rituals. In contrast, her white Christian mother hardly paid any attention to her. Although her mother taught her how to sew and cook, she also expected her to take on woman responsibilities of marriage, housekeeping and rearing children. Alastra had light brown skin and beautiful long brown hair. 

Alastra would have none of it, instead she dreamed of playing in a jazz band and performing on stage... and did so for a period of time. But being a woman of color, she had it difficult since the beginning. She applied for music and radio jobs, always being turned down and shooed away. Racist and sexual remarks became daily background noise, almost impossible to ignore. Her mother would frequently give her black eyes and beat her. Several tragic events happened, including her mother sending her to an insane asylum to rot away. She had been diagnosed with narcissism and a sexual disorder. (Why didn’t she want to fall in love with a man?) She managed to escape to the cabin. When her father was drafted for the war and later died, she was devastated at the loss. After being raped and almost killed by men she thought were her friends, she decided enough was enough. 

Alastra eventually became a radio host, Voodoo Queen, and serial killer. After her mother threatened to divorce the family, Alastra killed her with a gun and ate her remains. She killed both men and women but preferred luring women to her home where she would poison their food and drinks. Knives, axes, guns, she used them all. After killing off several higher ups, she managed to form her own radio studio and became the most famous radio host in Louisiana. 

Alastra basked in her fame and wealth, even meeting blonde dapper performer Desperado, who was head over heels for her. But Alastra didn’t want to be tied down to anyone. She would talk about the murders, play jazz music and tell dad jokes, which she dubbed “mom” jokes. Alastra enjoyed the Stock Market Crash but soon found herself running out of food. She resorted to cannibalism for survival. No one suspected her until 1933. She got bitten by a rabies dog and ran through the woods. She died a brutal death after being shot in the head and mauled by police dogs at the same time.

Due to the deals she had made with otherworldly demons, Alastra gained dark eldritch powers she used to topple Overlords and take over several areas. Broadcasting her massacres was both entertaining and was used as a way to let others know she was not to be messed with. She had an army of slave souls plus two pet alligator demons. She hated Vox and her modern technology. Her fluffy red and black deer tail was hidden under her dress as well as the many scars across her thin body. No one knew if Alastra wanted Charlie to succeed or not, but she would use any means necessary to accomplish her goals. (But oh how she missed her father dearly.)

Alastra’s large eyes glowed red as a radio buzz briefly sounded. Charlie’s eyes went wide as saucers. 

The woman began to speak, her voice sounding like it was being spoken through a radio.

“Hell…”

Charlie slammed the door in her face.

Opened the door…

“…o.”

Slammed it again.

The woman stood, shocked in front of the stained glass door, smile still plastered on her face, hand and curved claw in the air. 

“Well… that was…rude,” she thought. “Usually people are too sacred to answer when I come by. Or they rush to try and please me because they know I could slaughter them at any time. I’ll just wait here then…or maybe break this door down…”

“Hey, Vaggus?” Charlie called.

“What?” Vaggus replied in annoyance on the couch.

Charlie flashed a nervous smile. “The Radio Demon is at the door!”

“What?!” he demanded.

“Uh, who?” Angela asked. She sucked erotically on her popsicle. 

“What should I do?” he asked, pulling at his lower eyelids.

“Well, don’t let her in!” exclaimed Vaggus.

Charlie was tempted to do just that. But he also had a duty to not leave any sinners behind. He took a breath, eyes furrowed and opened the door again.

“May I speak now?” the red demon asked.

“You may…” Charlie replied.

The woman held out her gloved hand which briefly glowed. “Alastra, pleasure to be meeting you, sweetheart, quite a pleasure.”

She eagerly grabbed his wrist and leaned her face close to his before strutting inside. Charlie stood, dumbfounded, his hand still out. 

“Excuse my sudden visit,” she went on, “but I saw your fiasco on a picture show and I just couldn’t resist. What a performance!” She raised her arms before walking forward. “Why I haven’t been that entertained since the Stock Market Crash of 1929!”

She bobbed her head side to side and burst into laughter. “So many orphans!”

Vaggus suddenly pointed a spear weapon at her and the doe froze. “Stop right there!” He swore in Spanish under his breath. “I know your game. And I’m not gonna let you hurt anyone else here, you pompous, cheesy, talk show shit lady!”

Angela peeked around the corner to see what was going on.

Alastra merely laughed slightly and nudged the weapon away with her fingers. 

“Little man, if I wanted to hurt anyone here…”

She added in a low creepy tone, “I would have done so already.”

Her red eyes briefly turned to red radio dials as radio static filled the room. She tilted her head slightly, letting her chaotic magic roam. Vaggus and Charlie were frozen in fear as they caught glimpses of red Voodoo symbols, static, and warped reality.

Then just as quickly, the noise and magic ceased and Alastra shook her head, eyes back to full red. Her eyes had briefly been black with red pupils.

“No, I’m here because I want to help!” She curtsied.

Charlie was sure he hadn’t heard her right. 

“Say what now?” he asked, eyebrows raised.

“Help!” she responded with another laugh. She held up her microphone staff. 

“Hello? Is this thing on? Testing, testing…”

She tapped it and a glowing red eye appeared in the center. 

“Well, I heard you loud and clear!” the microphone responded in a feminine tone, eye shaking in fear.

“Um…you want to help?” Charlie asked. 

Alastra appeared behind the demon boys, hands on their backs, switching from a shadow to her regular self. Both Vaggus and Charlie flinched.

“With…” she mentioned in an imitation of Charlie’s soft voice…

“…this ridiculous thing you’re trying to do!” finishing in her normal voice. “This hotel!” 

Charlie could hear the call bell ding twice on the table, even though no one was there to ring it.

“I want to help you run it.”

“Uh…why?” Charlie asked, confused. 

Alastra laughed again. “Why does anyone do anything? Sheer absolute boredom!”

She curled up her fingers before putting her hands up to her cheeks. She then moved off to the side. “I’ve lacked inspiration for decades!”

She placed her elbow on an annoyed Vaggus’ head. Then she shoved the moth demon aside.

“My work became mundane, lacking focus, aimless! I’ve come to crave a new form of entertainment!”

She laughed again, spreading out her arms. 

Charlie looked downcast as Vaggus stood up with a scowl. “Does getting into a fist fight with a reporter count as entertainment?”

Alastra laughed again. “It’s the purest kind, my dear! Reality! True passion! After all, the world is a stage! And the stage is a world of entertainment!”

She smiled and titled her head.

Charlie brightened a bit. “So, does this mean that you think it’s possible to rehabilitate a demon?”

Alastra help up a hand and laughed. “Of course not. That’s wacky nonsense! Redemption, oh the non-existent humanity! Nononono, I don’t think there’s anything left that could save such loathsome sinners!”

She grinned at Vaggus and Angela who sat on the couch and shrugged.

She continued. “The chance given was the life they lived before; the punishment is this!”

She spread out her arms. “There is no undoing what is done!”

“So then, why do you want to help me if you don’t believe in my cause?” Charlie asked. 

Alastra smirked and looked at Charlie over her shoulder. “Consider it an investment in ongoing entertainment for myself!” 

She pulled Charlie close to her with her arm and twirled the shorter demon around in a quick dance. “I want to watch the scum of the world struggle to climb up the hill of betterment! Only to repeatedly trip and tumble down into the fiery pit of failure.” Her eyes glowed red in pleasure. 

“Right…” Charlie began, slowly removing her clawed hand from his shoulder.

Alastra took him aside for a walk. “Yes indeedy! I see big things coming your way, and who better to help than I.”

“A Cautionary Tale”

“Ah, so uh, what’s the deal with Miss Smiles over there?” Angela asked Vaggus.

“Wait, you’ve never heard of her before?” Vaggus asked. “You’ve been here longer than me!”

Angela shrugged her shoulders.

“The Radio Demon, one of the most powerful beings Hell has ever seen?” Vaggus asked.

“Eh, I’m not too big on politics,” Angela replied.

Vaggus let out a deep annoyed sigh before leaning in close to explain.

“Decades ago, Alastra manifested in Hell, seemingly overnight. She began to topple Overlords who had been dominant for centuries. That kind of raw power has never been harnessed by a mortal soul before. Then, she broadcast her carnage all throughout Hell, just so everyone could witness her ability. Sinners started calling her The Radio Demon. (As lazy as that is). Many have speculated what unimaginable force enabled her to rival our world’s most ancient and destructive evils. But one thing’s for sure: She’s an unpredictable source of danger, a wicked spirit of mystery, and a violent monster of chaos, the likes of which we cannot risk getting involved with, unless we want to end up erased.”

Flashes of Alastra in her full demon form, a giant red doe with a long lavender tongue, sharp teeth, long dark claws, glowing red eyes and large ears appeared on screen. She grinned as she hovered her claws over the demonic faces of voodoo imps and minions. Her dress revealed a flaming hole where screaming demons struggled to escape. 

“Ya done?” Angela asked with a snicker. “She looks like a strawberry pimp!”

Alastra conjured her staff into her hand with a smug look.

“Well, I don’t trust her!” Vaggus exclaimed.

To be fair, do you trust any woman? Any women? Women?” Angela asked with a slight laugh.

Vaggus ignored her and walked up in front of his friend.

“Charlie, listen to me. You can’t believe this creep! She isn’t just a happy face! She’s a dealmaker, pure evil! She can’t be redeemed! And is most likely looking for a way to destroy everything we’re trying to do.”

“I…” Charlie began. “…we don’t know that. Look…I know she’s bad, and I know she probably doesn’t wanna change, but the whole point of this is to give people a chance! To have faith things will be better! How can I turn someone away? I can’t. It goes against everything I’m trying to do. Everything I believe in.”

Alastra stared in fascination at a family picture on the wall. It showed Lucinda dressed in white, Lilium in a dark purple suit, and Charlie as a little boy wearing a brown and white suit in the middle. The picture border consisted of branches and yellow eyeballs and a dried rose in the upper right hand corner.

“Such a lovely portrait! A picture of perfection! It’d be such a shame if something awful were to happen to them…”

“Just trust me,” Charlie added, placing comforting hands on his boyfriend’s shoulders, “I can take care of myself.”

Charlie,” warned Vaggus, “Whatever you do, do not make a deal with her!”

From a distance, Alastra opened up the palm of one hand, claws curled. Both boys glanced in her direction, worry on their faces. 

“I’ll have these two in the palm of my hand…”

“Don’t worry,” Charlie replied to Vaggus with a chuckle. “I picked up one thing from my Mom…” 

He spoke in a higher womanly voice as he walked away, “Ya don’t take shit from other demons!”

Gathering his courage, Charlie marched over to the Radio Demon.

“Ok, so…Al. You’re sketchy as fuck, and you clearly see what I’m trying to do here is a joke. But I don’t.”

Red Voodoo symbols appeared around a grinning Alastra, then vanished. Charlie glanced back at her with narrowed eyes. 

Charlie continued. “I think everyone deserves a chance to prove they can be better. So, I’m taking your offer to help. On the condition that there be no tricks or voodoo strings attached.”

Alastra twirled her cane and held out her right hand. “So it’s a deal then?”

Flashes of eerie green light surrounded her, electricity snaking up the walls. Shadows swirled around the room and everyone covered their faces at the force of the wind. 

“Nope!” Charlie yelled, holding out his hands. The energy stopped. “No shaking! No deals! I…hmm…”

Charlie decided to try another approach.

“As prince of Hell, and heir to the throne, I uh, hereby order that you help with this hotel, for a long as you desire.”

A moment of pause…

“Sound fair?” he asked.

“Hmm…Fair enough.” Alastra shrugged before she strolled away, cane vanishing.

“Cool beans.” Charlie breathed a sigh of relief and even did a thumbs up.

Alastra stopped and spotted Vaggus off to the side. She smirked in a way outside observers would describe as lecherous. She tickled him under his chin with a finger. 

“Smile, good sir! You know you’re never fully dressed without one!”

Alastra hummed happily on her way, while Vaggus growled in disgust and rage. 

“So…where is your hotel staff?” Alastra asked Charlie. 

“Uh, well…” Charlie began. Alastra peered at Vaggus through her monocle. “Oh ho ho ho, you’re going to need more than that.”

She walked over towards Angela. 

“And what can you do, my butch fella?”

Angela grinned. “I can suck your pussy and boobs!”

A screech was heard as Alastra stared in shock and revulsion.

“Ha! No.” Alastra deadpanned.

“Your loss,” Angela said with a slight laugh. Alastra summoned her cane.

“Well, this just won’t do!” Alastra exclaimed. “I suppose I can cash in a few favors to liven things up!”

The spell came easily in her mind: “dife sèvitè, reveye.”

Alastra snapped her fingers and a fire sparked to life in a small circular fireplace. Animal skeletons decorated either side of the wall, fully repaired.

A dark figure plopped down onto the chimney floor. 

Alastra walked over and picked up the creature with her hand. A large single yellow eye was revealed. Angela, Vaggus, and Charlie peered at the creature. In a puff of smoke and a squeak, the creature revealed herself. A cute cyclops boy was wearing a dark pink butler outfit with a poodle on the front, his short hair dark magenta with a streak of yellow. His upper shirt was white with pink paint stains. White spots were on the left side of his pants. 

“This little rascal is Preppy!” Alastra introduced with a smile, before dropping him. The boy landed on his feet.

“Hi! I’m Preppy!” he greeted with a wave. “It’s nice to meet you! It’s been a while since I’ve made new friends!” He laughed slightly and his pupil grew smaller, darting in circles. 

“Why are you all men?” he asked. He darted over and lifted Charlie up before putting him down. Vaggus growled, aiming his spear at the newcomer.

“Are there any women here?! I’m sorry, that’s rude.” He missed the fact that Angela was female, for obvious reasons.

“Oh man, this place is filthy!” he exclaimed, running around and lifting up couch cushions. “It really needs a more man cave, homey touch, which is weird, because you’re all men, no offence.” He chewed on a black spider he found, then rushed toward some stained glass windows. 

He darted around, using a dust ruffle to clean them, removing spider webs. “Oh my gosh, this is awful! No, no, no…Nope!”

Preppy raced around, removing cobwebs, then poked at a piece of a voodoo doll. Well, it was actually a blue beetle doll that Alastra had stabbed with a clothing pin for him to play with. Preppy turned and exclaimed, “Oh my goodness, a dirty rat!” He dashed over, scooped up the dark grey creature and popped it into his mouth rapidly. Strained squeaks mingled with rapid chewing sounds. “I bet there’s tons of them under this place, I’ll be sure to get more!” 

Alastra looked amused, while the others stared in disbelief. 

“So fortunate of me to have met him in Hell. A former chimney sweeper in the 20th century. Heard he died from being burned alive in a fireplace. Services are still good! Though, I didn’t give him much of an option to begin with…”

Meanwhile, at a casino, a cat demon placed a joker, an ace, a 2, and a fourth card down on the table. She had black and white fur, fluffy breasts, wore a black round hat and had red wings with card suits decorated on them. She also had long red eyebrows and wore a red bow tie. 

“Ha!” she declared in triumph. “Read ‘em and weep, girls!”

She suddenly felt herself being forcefully pulled out of the room through space and time.

“Full…whoa!”

“Transpòte ganbadeur la.”

She ducked as a curtain of red energy surrounded the existing space. Voodoo symbols flashed in the background along with eight yellow eyes, a creepy voodoo skull and a purple skeleton of a worm-like creature. Another voodoo skull with horns appeared for a moment not too far from tan ghost-like spirits with creepy faces and a row of jagged teeth.

The cat demon figured she must have had too much booze to drink.

“…the hell?”

As the images faded, she soon found herself at the hotel bar, not in the previous room at the casino. A large “Come and play Blackjack” sign took up much of the wall behind her. Most peculiar, the gray wood walls were missing halfway up, replaced by the red themed décor of the hotel. She was sitting in a portion of the casino she was in. It felt like she was in a house with no roof surrounded by the outside world.

“What the fuck is this?”

She saw Alastra and pointed an accusing claw. 

“You!”

“Ah, Shella, my good friend!” Alastra cheerfully greeted as audience claps came from the microphone. “Glad you could make it!” 

Alastra’s head briefly had the appearance of large antlers sticking out from either side. When she moved it, it was revealed to be an antler skull with glowing green eyes hanging in the background. Snakes were wrapped around one of the pillars supporting a bar stand. “Big Booze,” “Welcome” and “Big Soul” signs were placed overhead on the stand. Neon green card suits consisted of the designs at the bottom of the stand. 

Shell had been born in Nevada and grew up in a casino. She enjoyed gambling, drinking, money and magic shows. She had died at age 75 in the 1970s. 

“Don’t you “Shella” me, you shady old bitch!” Shell spat, and swiped Alastra’s hand away from her shoulder. “I was about to win the whole damn pot!”

Shell stared in anger as the stacks of money and chips on the table vanished in static. 

“Good to see you too!” added Alastra.

Shell face palmed. “What the fuck do you want with me this time?”

Alastra grabbed hold of her, startling her so much that cards fell from her hands.

“My friend, I am doing some charity work, so I took it upon myself to volunteer your services! I hope that’s okay.”

Shell was taken aback. “Are you shittin’ me?!”

“Hmm. No, I don’t think so!” Alastra replied. 

Shell shoved the Radio Demon off her, the latter casually dusting off her red sleeves. She puffed up her black and white fur in anger, her cat ears twitching. “You thought it would be some kind of big fuckin’ riot just to pull me outta nowhere? You think I’m some kinda fuckin’ clown?”

“Maybe,” Alastra grinned.

Audience laughter emitted from the microphone.

“I ain’t doin’ no fuckin’ charity job,” Shell protested.

Alastra appeared next to her, startling the cat. “Well I figured you would be the perfect face to man the front desk of this fine establishment.”

She pointed toward the bar stand with the staff. The sound of audience clapping came from the microphone.

“With your charming smile and welcoming energy…”

Alastra spread the corners of Shell’s mouth upward into a demonic smile of yellow teeth. Shell frowned seconds after she let go. 

“…this job was made for you!”

Alastra strutted over toward the bar stand, the soles of her black heels revealing red hoof prints as she walked.

“Don’t worry, my friend,” Alastra continued, “I can make this more welcoming…if you wish.”

With a curve of her fingers, a green bottle of cheap booze appeared on the counter.

Shell stared with wide eyes, suddenly very thirsty. She swore she could hear the sound of a slot machine.

“What, you think you can buy me with a wink and some cheap booze?!” She took the bottle in anger. “Well you can!”

She immediately guzzled it down and walked away.

“Too easy,” thought Alastra. 

By this time, Charlie, Vaggus and Angela Dust had arrived to see what the commotion was about. Vaggus rushed toward the bar, furious. 

“Hey, hey, hey, hey!” yelled the moth demon. “No, no bar, no alcohol. This is supposed to be a place that discourages sin! Not some kind of…brothel, sinful, lady lounge …”

Angela lunged herself into him, knocking him to the floor. 

“Shut up! Shut! Up! We are keeping this.” She pointed at Shell with multiple gloved fingers.

She slid up to Shell. “Hey,” she said in a flirtatious voice.

“Go fuck yourself,” Shell deadpanned, drinking her booze.

“Only if you watch me,” Angela retorted, with a sway of her butt and hips.

To make matters worse for Shell, Charlie leaned in close to her, excitement and red stars in his eyes. 

“Oh my gosh! Welcome to the Happy Hotel! You are going to love it here!”

“I lost the ability to love years ago,” Shell replied, gulping down more booze.

Alastra walked in, an ever-present grin on her face.

“So, what do you think?”

Charlie ran over to her. “This is amazing!” he beamed, rubbing his cheeks. Alastra blinked rapidly in appreciation. 

“It’s okay,” Vaggus grumbled from nearby, arms crossed.

Alastra laughed and pulled the two boys close to her. “This is going to be very entertaining!” Her laughter was mixed with old radio sounds.

Alastra conjured fire in her hand…Charlie stared in wonder at the flames and the voodoo symbols. She pushed Vaggus aside and changed her attire. 

Alastra now wore a fancy light red flapper dress, the lower part of her black leggings showing. She wore black heels on her feet. The skirt of her dress was dark magenta in color, the lower part near the helm was a brighter shade of pinkish red. The top part of her dress was also dark magenta, her gloves red. A round dark red ladies hat was on her head, the bow around it black. The bow was decorated with little claws around it. The top part of her hat had a line of visible stitches going across it, while a few pins stuck out from it.

She waved a finger over Charlie’s head and his outfit changed. He now wore a black and pink suit, the bow tie under his neck dark red. He wore fancy black pants and shoes, the trails of his dark pink suit visible from behind him. A black top hat was perched on his blonde head, the rim decorated with small red apple designs. Charlie stared down in amazement at his new outfit.

Alastra began to sing as she and Charlie began to dance.

“You have a dream  
You want us to know”

Vaggus was fuming on the ground, the red x over his left eye burning red like his face. 

Alastra bent down next to him with a laugh and a shrug.

“And it’s so ridiculous…”

She stood back up and picked up Charlie. “But hey kid, give it a go!”

She tossed the surprised prince into the air before he grinned. 

Both of them landed and danced with fast steps. The wall behind them was decorated with an image of Alastra’s large claws. Everything had turned into neon colors. Thanks to Alastra’s magic, voodoo symbols and deer antlers decorated the walls. 

“Cause you’re one of a kind  
A charming demon beau!”

Alastra took Charlie’s hand and the duo slid down a slide that used to be the stairs. They landed on the ground. Alastra snapped her fingers, and everyone’s outfits changed. Angela Dust stared in disgust at a bright pink dress she was now wearing. Vaggus stared down at his dark gray suit decorated with a bright pink tie in the center. Preppy stared in happiness at his dark blue suit and matching small top hat, decorated with a white daisy. Shell sat lazily at the bar counter.

“So let’s give these burning fools a brand new show!” Alastra sang. She snapped her fingers, saying “Take it, girls!”

Black shadow demons appeared from a cracked hole in the floor playing jazz instruments. One of them played a trumpet, another blew into a tuba. Charlie smiled as he moved to the music, next to another shadow demon playing the drums happily. Vaggus reached out to his boyfriend but was pulled away by Alastra and into the group. 

“Ha ha!” Alastra laughed as shadow demons appeared around them, appearing to be held together with stitches. Vaggus, Angela and Shell looked terrified, but Preppy was grinning, as if he had seen this before. 

Alastra appeared beside the bar table near Shell and Angela. 

“Inside of every demon is a lost cause,” she sang some more, pulling the two girls into a hug. 

Alastra plucked Shell’s eyebrow and rubbed Angela’s hat onto her head before leaving. Angela snapped her fingers with a grin and playful brows. A grumpy Shell flipped her the bird with a middle claw. 

“But we’ll dress ‘em up for now with just a smile!”

“Just a smile!” the spirits repeated. 

Alastra appeared behind Vaggus, who stood with his arms crossed in the spotlight. Alastra waved her microphone and a fancy top hat with peacock feathers appeared on his head. A white fox scarf appeared around his neck. Then, without warning, Alastra slapped his butt.

Vaggus jumped into the air before throwing off the scarf and hat. He turned around in fury at the Radio Demon. “Perverted witch!” he fumed as she walked away. She strolled and danced along the lobby floor, kicking a skull as she went. Preppy swept up the bone pieces in the background. 

“And we’ll chlorinate this cesspool with some old redemption flair  
And show these simpletons some proper class and style!”

“Class and style!” sang the shadows. 

Alastra walked over to the fireplace. A horde of shadow beings walked through the gap, including a shadow version of Alastra: Artsala. (Like Rotsala, Alastor’s shadow).

The shadow grinned a blue grin at her, before Alastra vanished the shadow with a swing of her hand.

“Here below the ground, I’m sure your plan is sound!”

Alastra leaned in close to Charlie, their noses almost touching. After Alastra let herself be spun around, Alastra rubbed Charlie’s cheeks before taking his arm. Vaggus stood in the background with a look of jealousy and concern. Charlie and Alastra spun around in a circle, the moment magical for both of them.

“Could this be love?” Charlie thought. Both of them had happy smiles on their faces as they spun around. Charlie could almost see the sparkles and bubbles in the background.

“As we spend a little time…”

Alastra let go and prepared to finish. 

“Down at this Hazbin ho…”

A sudden explosion cut her off. The force caused the door to blow off and fly straight into little Preppy’s face, sending him flying back. “Ow! I’m okay!” he called from the distance.

“Madam Zmeya Fucking Dies”

Soon the colors were back to normal and so were everyone’s outfits. The group peered out from the hole, Alastra craning her neck. The group went out onto the path and spotted a flying blimp. Madam Zmeya poked her head out from an opening in the ship, fangs bared. 

“Ha!” the snake inventor laughed. “Well, well, well, look who it is harboring the striped freak!” she called, mentioning to the white spider demon. “We meet again, Alastra!”

Alastra merely asked with a smug look, “Do I know you?”

Madam Zmeya’s face fell before she grew angry. “Oh yes you do!” She slithered back into her seat. “And this time I have the element of…surprise!”

She pulled a lever and a cannon lowered to the ground.

“I’m so evil!” she declared with maniacal laughter as the cannon fired up. 

Alastra snapped her fingers, red tendrils of smoke rising from her hand. The weapon froze in mid fire and a fiery portal opened up below the blimp. Pink smoke filled the air.

A horde of black tendrils rose from the hole, latching onto the ship. One tentacle ripped off the cannon and threw it into another smaller portal, causing it to explode in pink smoke. One of the tentacles had already smashed a hole in the large round window. 

Madam Zmeya looked on in shock as her Egg Grls slammed against the wall (one of them read #Ouch.) One of the eggs cracked open, spilling out yellowish brains and small organs among the stains of yok. Madam Zmeya and another minion were thrown against the wall. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” she screamed before she was slammed against the ceiling by a black limb.

“Ow, that hurt!” she cried.

Madam Zmeya screamed as she was forcefully dragged along the floor and lifted up slightly. She was held in place, surrounded by the wrapped up tendril. At once, the tendril shrunk and squeezed the helpless snake. The Egg Grls ran around frantically, screaming as black cracks appeared on the floor and walls.

From the outside, more black tendrils were closing in. Red voodoo symbols appeared around the blimp.

“Ede m 'sèrviteur.”

Four horned shadowy spirits with red auras floated around, wearing toothy grins. 

The tendrils were now wrapped around the entire blimp, holding it in place like thick black vines. 

Red radio waves filled Alastra’s eyes as she curled her fingers inward. The sky vanished, replaced with red. Hovering red voodoo symbols appeared all around her as she altered the state of reality. Radio static consumed the air. 

The vines thickened and completely enclosed the blimp. The spirits swooped around it in excitement, with echoing shrieks. The aura around the tendrils glowed a fiery yellow, the same color as the portal rim. 

“Kalfu! Destriksyon pa bra nwa.”

Alastra closed her four-fingered hand which began to glow. A red drop of blood fell from her glowing hand. The tendrils proceeded to crush the blimp. Pink rays of light shot from the center and the blimp exploded in a loud BOOM!

Pink smoke spread everywhere as the spirits sped away. The tendrils broke into severed bloody pieces that rained down to the ground. Alastra smiled victoriously, while behind them, the group of five stared in utter terror and shock. (Save for Preppy who had a small smile on his face). 

“Well, I’m starved!” Alastra exclaimed, turning around to face the group. Who wants some jambalaya?” She spread her arms out. “My mother once showed me a wonderful recipe for jambalaya! In fact, it nearly killed her! My father almost had a heart attack from eating it, but maybe that’s because he loved it so much!”

Alastra laughed as she led the way back to the hotel. The others followed.  
“You could say the kick was straight out of Hell!” she added while laughing at her own joke. “Oh, I’m on a roll!”

Charlie and Preppy smiled while Shell, Angela, and Vaggus looked on with concern. Preppy scurried around Alastra with a look of admiration. Angela blew Shell a kiss, which earned the druggie demon a glare from the gambler. Charlie turned to Vaggus excitedly. Vaggus reluctantly went along with Charlie’s idea, even giving him a small supporting smile. As long as Charlie was happy, then Vaggus was alright, too.

From up above, the hotel looked like a mashed-up haunted house. An old dark train was perched on a balcony, with some monstrous faces carved in. A ship, reminiscent of the Titanic, was leaning upwards against the building as part of the structure. An old carousel served as part of the upper balcony and windows. Skull designs decorated the small windows in a row. Finally, on top of a giant yellow eye, was the sign “Happy Hotel” supported by pillars of worn wood. 

Alastra continued, “Yes, mam’, this is the start of some real changes down here! The game is set! Now…”

She glanced up and pointed her finger toward the sign. Pink electricity shot out and made contact with the sign. 

The sign now read “Hazbin Hotel.”

“Stay tuned,” she finished with a low sinister laugh.

Back at the crater, smoke took the faces of demons and rose into the air. Broken egg minions littered the ground. One minion rubbed her head. With a shaking arm, Madam Zmeya lifted herself up from the gaping hole, fangs shattered, eye swollen.

“Now will you shoot me with your ray gun?” asked the minion.

Madam Zmeya face-planted on the ground in response.


End file.
